What am I doing wrong?

A friend of mine erroneously told me that all you need to do to make friends is to be nice and be a good friend. This friend has not had to move as many times as I. I lived in the same area for the first 14 years of my life. Since then, I have lived in two foreign countries, three states, and many houses within those states. Family members, friends, acquaintances, and strangers have given me a place to live for a time. In all of these experiences, I have learned that it is very different to make friends.

Each country has its own difficulty. In Peru, (Christian) girls are hard to get to know. They are generally timid or reserved. Their families protect them, so many times they cannot go out, especially at night. In Buenos Aires, I found the people to be generally cold and uninviting to reticent people as I was at the time.

Even though I lived most of my life in the US, I still find it a difficult place in which to make friends. I could give many examples but will limit myself to the present.

My last few years gave me much confidence and brought out my out-going behavior. I hoped that this "new" me would help me as I started a new life in Indiana. I was quickly able to make a couple friends with similar interests as mine. I would be prefectly happy with the two new friends I have made, but they are often busy. This summer both will spend a significant amount of time out of the country.

Although I have put in much time and effort, I have failed at my attempts to make any other meaningful friendships here. I don't get it. What should one do to make a friend here? I call people, text people, invite them to do things, go out of my way to talk to them. Yes, they are nice and talk to me when I talk to them, but I get little to nothing in return. I feel like I'm loosing the strength to keep trying yet lack of socialization weighs down on me.

My only consolation is that God is with me and is in control. He has brought me through many a worse situation. I pray that he gives me wisdom and provides me with opportunities to get to know people better.

The Nomadic Lifestyle and Friends: How Do They Fit? Part 1

If there were such a thing as a moving complex, I would have it. Common symptoms would include weeks of fatigue after international moves, the suffocating feeling when in the same country for over a year, the inability to completely unpack in your new location, the failure to decorate the new living quarters, and the exciting yet scary and tiresome task of finding a job and meeting new friends. The last of these manifestations will be the prime focus of my discourse.

My first move was to Lima, Peru in 2000. I had attended the same school district for my whole life up until this point; I had many friends and a happy, energetic disposition. The move to a new country with a new culture and language and a new school proved quite unfavorable to my newly forming identity in many ways. One of which would alter my social abilities for the next 6 years; I became shy.

Because of my low comprehension level in Spanish, the unwelcoming behavior of the members at my church, and my newly acquired attribute of reticence, I did not make any meaningful relationships with Peruvians. Fortunately, God gave me a talkative, lively friend, Lisa, at my American school, and many lovely friends from my youth group my last year in high school.

Going to college, where I did not know anyone, proved to be one of the most difficult transitions in my life. Fear of the unknown enveloped me like the tangled mass of blankets surrounding me on a cold, lazy January morning. I did not want to go to college. I did not want to have to meet people.

After a few weeks at school, I found other third culture kids and spent time with them. It was not long, however, until I started dating a crazy, outgoing missionary kid (mk). I felt like I had all I needed and did not have to try anymore to make or maintain friendships. I had him. My dependence on him was detrimental to my social and emotional health and ultimately caused the termination of the relationship.

At the time of the conclusion of the relationship, I inhabited a small town home in the distingue city of Buenos Aires. My social skills here reached its all time low. Because of my emotional state, I had not the ability nor the desire to put forth the effort to make friends. It was too hard; the people too cold.

The dread continued as I had to return to my friendless school in the US. Fortunately, a new roommate (a childhood friend) and supernatural help from God aided in the path of making new friends.

Little by little I gained more confidence and felt more like my true self. During my last semester of college, I had a large group of friends and enjoyed the best social period of my life to this day.

After college I returned to Lima for lack of knowledge as to what I wanted for my life. My confidence grew leaps and bounds as I independently made a life for myself in Lima. Although I became notably sociable, I still desired stronger friendships. I did have my best friend and confidant, Ruben, yet I longed for close female relationships. In Lima, this is not an easy task.

Girls in Lima tend to be more quiet, reserved, and protected by family. They do not go out often with groups of friends especially at night. A lack of common interests made it difficult to converse and have a deep frienship or even a superficial one.

The time came when god directed me back to my "home" country to yet again start a new life...

Walking

I miss walking. No, not walking from the car to the door at Wendy's or from the couch to the refrigerator. I miss walking that leaves me tired, wears down my heels, and lets me view the world from the sidewalk. In the United States, we only walk when absolutely necessary whereas in other countries walking is more important. In South America, people walk all the time. I wish people would walk more in the US.

I first noticed this phenomena in Lima, Peru about 10 years ago. Most people walk, because they don't have cars. They must walk to get to the bus stop, to get a cab, or to get to wherever they're going. Some people walk (or run) outside for exercise.

My favorite place to walk (and to watch people walk) was Buenos Aires. I would walk 20 minutes to school everyday and would walk to get to the bus stop, the subway, the internet cafe, or the ice cream shops....

The best time to walk in Buenos Aires was in the morning. I would walk the flooded streets at about 8am and see a wide variety of people. Some usual walkers included the businessmen (briefcases and all), dog walkers with up to 5 or more dogs (watch out for surprises on the sidewalk), men shouting out their piropos (flirty remarks), and elderly people inching their way down the side walk.

I realize that it is difficult most of the time to walk in the US. Without public transportation, walking is almost impossible. Places are just too far to walk. Our busy schedules and general laziness tend to eliminate any possibility of walking even short distances. Walking could, however, help the grotesque amount of obesity found here and help the overall health of our nation.

The Commencement

Kolik jazyku znas, tolikrat jsi clovekem.

"This Czech proverb, impossible to translate, proclaims that you live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once (Words without Borders)."

I have quoted this proverb many times, and yet I find myself compelled to use it once again. If true, this would mean that I have lived about two and a half lives; one life lived in the United States, one in Spanish-speaking countries, and a half in my brief time in Brazil. These lives have made me the person I am today.

If you know me at all, you would know that I live and breath language and culture. My discussions tend to revolve around these topics, and I generally make friends that are passionate about them.

Being a teacher, I cannot bear to keep my knowledge and experience bottled up inside. I must tell others. The purpose of this blog is just that: to share. What I have to say may not be proven or accurate. It will, however, contain my perspective on what I have learned in the lives I have lived.

Feel free to comment or contradict anything I say as long as it is done in a respectful manner. I love to learn, so I am open to hearing new ideas.